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What Did You Do With The Rent Money? (3031 hits)

It's gut check time again. Same rules: If you are not ready to explore your inner feelings and beliefs...leave now...don't read another word!
AS ALWAYS YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

------ Part XI Priorities
Imagine that you just found out that your favorite musical artist or author was coming to a town or city near you. Let’s say …that he or she will be there is about 60-days.

How far out from the concert or event would you know what you plan to wear? If you have the chance to meet them…would you prepare what you would say in advance?

What if the family reunion is coming up soon? How far in advance would you know what you plan to bring, eat, or who you want to see?

How many of us have planned on being sick from work ….3-weeks in advance to go to the ______________ (you fill in the blank)?

Yup, I can see you smiling, because you’re a planner. Okay…let’s change gears a wee bit…

How much will your paycheck be on Friday? No… not approximately how much, how much exactly? You did the work, what are you owed?

What is your average electricity bill? How much have you paid each month divided by 12-months…do you know?

What did your child have for lunch at school last week…what is the teacher’s phone number…school, home, and cell?

What is the person’s name that cleans your office every day?

We need to get our priorities in order. I chat with so many people who tell me that their life is not headed the way they’d like or the money is not enough…but their priorities don’t match their wants/needs. Folks will say that the children are the center of their life, but they don’t even know where the child’s classroom is located…”It’s in the school somewhere”. They’ll have no idea what the child’s favorite color is or why they hate the Spanish teacher.

I’ve literally seen hundreds of guys choose a football, baseball, basketball game over the woman and children they claim to love. I’ve seen children trained (via the parents actions) to value clothing and partying over education. Note: If you are paying rent and sitting on twenties…you’ve got the game twisted!

We must learn the difference between unimportant/vital ….versus…. needs to be done now/can wait. If something is vital and has to be done now…that should be our number one priority:
A. Showing the child that you care WHEN your attention is need.
B. Holding your wife’s hand AFTER she has had a hard day.
C. Putting money into a saving account to by a home INSTEAD OF buying the Jay-Z tickets that are on sale

Things that are unimportant but need to be done right now cannot continue to hijack our Black in America family.
A. Paying for the a coach purse to floss rather than paying the rent
B. Going to see some lady/guy you met at the club instead of walking your daughter home from school the day before a his or her big test
C. Watching the game (even the finals) rather than listening to your sister, brother, mother, spouse, child’s teacher, etc…WHEN they need your time.

So what about you?

What are you going to do different to get your priorities in order?
What have you seen us do as a family that we need to check ourselves about?

Or is the Doc off his rocker again…is this really any issue for us?

Posted By: Dr. Ahmad Glover
Tuesday, September 2nd 2008 at 2:35PM
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You might as well continue to tell the truth!
Tuesday, September 2nd 2008 at 2:43PM
Dr. J. Elisha Burke

I can only speak for me. I am not materialistic and never have been. I like nice things, but my world won't fall apart if it does not have some name brand on it. As long as it does nt fall apart when I wash it, is fine with me.
The will probably put an APB out on me considering how hard a choke a dollar.

I make it my business to be a vital part of my children's lives everyday. One thing that I have also had in my little family is that one day of the week where there are no outside interruptions. It is just about us, I give my children an opportunity to voice their feelings (unfiltered) and concerns. basically I give the room to let me know how I may have made them feel good or bad during the week, so that I can make any adjustments necessary to avoid it from happening again. The thing ablut adults we don't always want to hear to truth about ourselves and have a tendency to tell our children to stay in a child's place when they do say things that make us our to check ourselves. There is a difference between voicing ones concerns and being disrespectful. Just because we may not agree or even see how we may have made someone feel a certain way that was unpleasant does not change the fact that they feel that way and should be given an opportunity to express those feelings without assuming that will be persecuted for saying so.

We get so wrapped up in our everyday lives doing the things that need to be done to provide for our families that we sometimes forget to spend the time with those same people.
Tuesday, September 2nd 2008 at 3:03PM
Marquerite Burgess

You are a true thinker!! People don't want to hear that of course so many of them would rather think you are off your rocker rather than see the truth within. So many of us are unwilling to grow up so of course those new rims or that purse takes presidence over our child or households. We are such a materialistic society anyway, everything is less important than keeping up with the Joneses. We have to begin with our children and teach them to have true goals and it's cool to want nice things but let's make sure we can keep those things and still prosper and stop living outside our means.
Tuesday, September 2nd 2008 at 3:35PM
ReJeana Turner

Hello DR, glover you are so right let the truth be told, this need to be said over the TV.I would love to me you one day.God bless you
Tuesday, September 2nd 2008 at 4:03PM
MARK ADAMSON

A. No Doc you are not off your rocker.
B. Family and matters of the family should be your first priorty, which means you
have to take care of your business, in order to take care of others.
C. You are right about a whole lot of things.

The idiotic story I know of is a lady who rather spend close to $1300.00 a week on hair, nails, clothing, massages and handbags. Her children boy and a girl does not have heatlh care nor dental insurance. I forgot to mention that she does not work, but her husband has a good job. I take it he does not know where his money is going to.
Tuesday, September 2nd 2008 at 5:52PM
Cheryl Hendrix

Marquerite et al.,

I agree that we must assign and stick to our priorities. So many of us want stuff, but don't do the things to get stuff: more money, deeper relationships, quality time with the children, etc.

If we really want to be a better people...WE NEED TO ACT LIKE IT!

Cheryl...it is so sad how many of my people are addicted to shopping...on someone else's dime. If they simply redirected the money ($1300 per month), most of their troubles would go away! So sad...
Tuesday, September 2nd 2008 at 6:02PM
Dr. Ahmad Glover

You're not off your rocker at all. Priorities sometimes seem to lose their value over time, but I personally don't like stress. My checks are planned a couple of months in advance, but I admit that I allow those incidentals get a little out of hand.
Tuesday, September 2nd 2008 at 7:37PM
Emmanuel Brown

This does make you think. lol. I have it somewhat easy because I am not married nor do I have any kids....so those I don't have to answer. HA....

As for paycheck, rent, etc....I'm blessed to be naturally responsible. Before any "play money" is spent, I pay myself FIRST (savings, IRA, etc) then I take care of my needs (rent, utilities, car payment) then I play. NOW, if the particular month is tight...then I don't get to play.

Good blog!
Wednesday, September 3rd 2008 at 9:23AM
Sunnie Hughes

deep stuff, doc.. so many of us aren't willnig as Dr. Van Zant puts it, to stop working hard and start doing the hard work! It's enough of a challenge to work for someone else and provide the basids for our lives, but its really hard work to be introspective and accountable to one's self for one's actions!
Wednesday, September 3rd 2008 at 10:37AM
r.e jones

Dr.Glover I think you are right on with your observation of how some of us live our lives and you are right we should get our priorties in order so we can move forward toward lifes great accomplishments. LadyFaye
Wednesday, September 3rd 2008 at 12:39PM
Benny Douglas

You are so accurate with your insight with patterns we apply daily. I did see your analysis right in line with some conversations I've had with friends. We must keep our priorities with our family first.
Wednesday, September 3rd 2008 at 5:02PM
O Z Gore

Dr. Glover and other "Black Americans"-----Why is it a fact that children of people that just got off the boat from Africa, Asia and S/CAmerica do better in Education than so-called Black Americans?

Thursday, September 4th 2008 at 9:34AM
robert powell

What I am going to do is to not avoid the issues and deal with them head on. They didn't happen over night, so I have to realize that the problems will not go away over night. There are no easy answers and no quick solutions. It's going to take work and commit to clear up all those areas that need attention. Not being able to have freedom in life will be you sick. Sick in a sense of crippling you from enjoy the fullness of life. Everyone wants nice things, but our priorities have to be straight first in order to enjoy its benefits.

Thursday, September 4th 2008 at 10:17AM
Arlene Thomas

Rob,

Children learn most by the example you set. Lip service is a poor trainer. We teach them to value education...by valuing education in our own lives.

Thursday, September 4th 2008 at 11:55AM
Dr. Ahmad Glover

Ok, I am guilty of being slightly materialistic...However, I will say this...my priorities are in line. Money, savings, investments, children (not necessarily in that order) are all in line. As an educator, who puts in many extra hours to make my class succeed, I feel that if I want the latest pair of Coach shoes, then I deserve to get them.

As far as teaching our children, Dr. Glover was absolutely correct, children mimic what they see. Unfortunately (our youth), they don't see the middle class Black Americans riding "big" or sporting the latest in fashion. They see the television and media portray their versions of "success"...which are often times jaded. As parents, we must instill that in order to be successful in life, we must work first, and play later.
Friday, September 5th 2008 at 6:58PM
MONA HILL

Dr. Glover you are so right, I can tell you from personal experience all that you own, aquire and accumulate can be taken away in the blink of an eye ( mine took 30 minutes for everything I owned to go under the flood waters, what didn't was contamiated) I always thought that I put God first and my child next, that day was the proof. All we could do was wade through the way and try to get to safety. All I prayed for was the Lord to save my child. We left with the muddy clothes on our backs, but this taught us to be stronger, closer, and happier. I was not in New Orleans, same year but in Sunny California :)
I would say to everyone access your values daily and then act on who you think you are.
Sunday, September 7th 2008 at 7:34AM
Edith Pettaway